Heartbreak & Grief on the Brain
Breakups are a universally challenging experience, often leading to significant emotional turmoil. Delving into the science behind heartbreak reveals that our brain undergoes profound changes during this period. Our brains are fascinating, complex organs that help us to face and feel loss as well as plan for a different future. The brain changes in response to stress, external triggers and strong emotions. This is called neuroplasticity and it allows the brain to adapt to life-altering events by forming new neural pathways based on experiences, aiding adaptation to new situations and allowing us to grow and survive. Traumatic events like personal loss are perceived by the brain as threats to survival, activating our "fight or flight" mechanism. This response leads to increased blood pressure, heart rate, and the release of specific hormones1. It often involves loss of sleep and interference with the ability to rest and relax.
Interestingly, the emotional pain from heartbreak can mirror physical pain. Brain scans of individuals who have recently experienced a breakup show activity in regions associated with physical pain, such as the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula,2 components of our ‘salience network’ that responds to external threat and changes in the body. This suggests that when someone feels they're "hurting" after a breakup, it's not merely a figure of speech; their brain is processing the loss in ways similar to actual physical pain.
Additionally, individuals who are unhappily in love after a breakup show decreased brain activity in areas like the frontal regions, anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), posterior cingulate cortex (PCC), and bilateral insula when compared to those happily in love4. These areas, especially the PCC, process self-evaluation, often profoundly affected by a romantic loss. This reduced activity in certain brain regions is also associated with depression, suggesting a close relationship between the feelings of grief after a breakup and depression.
The feelings of intense romantic love activate the same regions of the brain as substance addiction. When we lose that love, our brain reacts in ways that are strikingly similar to withdrawal symptoms from a substance3. This can manifest as a craving for emotional connection with the ex-partner, mood modification, and even relapse, where memories or encounters with the ex-partner can reignite intense feelings of love and loss.
Grief, akin to heartbreak, is a multifaceted emotional process. The brain interprets grief as emotional trauma, akin to PTSD. This emotional state can lead to changes in memory, behavior, sleep, and even bodily functions, impacting systems like the immune system and the heart1. The brain modifies its neural connections due to neuroplasticity. However, chronic stress from prolonged grief can have detrimental effects on nerve growth and memory1. It is clear that heartbreak and grief are not just emotional experiences; they have significant effects on our brain and body. Recognizing the science behind these feelings can offer solace and highlight the importance of self-care during challenging times. With support and attention to self-care, both the brain and body can recover, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and leaning on loved ones during the healing journey.
There are a number of ways that Reveri can help anyone move through heartbreak and loss. Through hypnosis, our brain is put in a more flexible state wherein we can imagine and embody living without a particular person, experience or identity, in a way that also keeps our body comfortable and safe. Hypnosis can show us how to train our brains to focus on the good memories a person has left with us and process the loss while moving our body out of a state of constant physical stress. This helps us move out of the "mindset" of heartbreak and grief and into a "mindset" of openness to something new. Grief is a stage of sadness and transition that can be managed and lead to growth.
References
Shulman, L. M. (2021). Healing Your Brain After Loss: A Neurologist’s Perspective. American Brain Foundation.
Kross, E. et al. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 15 (8)
Fisher, H. E., Xu, X., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2016). Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction? Frontiers in Psychology, 7(687)
Stoessel, C. et al. (2011). Differences and Similarities on Neuronal Activities of People Being Happily and Unhappily in Love: A Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging Study. Neuropsychobiology, 64:52–60
About the author:
David Spiegel, M.D. has nearly 50 years of clinical and research experience, having treated over 7,000 patients. He’s studied sleep, pain, stress, and hypnosis, and shares his vast knowledge through 13 books, 404 scientific journal articles, and 170 book chapters. He was educated at Harvard and Yale and now works at Stanford.